It took a good few days to stop missing my family last week. The staggered departures only prolonged the heartache but it was lovely to have a few extra days with mum and dad. I’ll have to toughen up as this is going to be an on going side effect of living in the arse end of Bunglefuck.
We all miss baby Olivia desperately. It’s amazing how much impact she had despite barely uttering a peep while she was here. She even quietly tolerated her cousins’ impressive efforts to (literally) smother her with love and kill her with kindness. She shall be named ‘Oblivia’ from now on…
And so as the dimple from her wee head in the cot springs back* and the kitchen utensils are back in their rightful places**, it’s time to cosy in and perhaps steal a few moments to myself to peruse this illustrious publication which landed in the porch last week.
I didn’t have high hopes, if I’m honest, but I didn’t expect the rising blood pressure culminating in a string of profanities after just a quick flick through. A brief sample:
“Because one is not enough.”, Marco Pierre White on why he has TWO AGAs. He is insane and must be stopped.
“Isn’t if funny how the colour of your AGA becomes so important?”, guest columnist, Lucy Young. Er…NO actually Lucy. What is actually important is the protective clothing required when retrieving the cremated remains of the dinner you lovingly prepared then condemned to a fiery death.
“I’ve learned that AGA food tastes the best”, Daisy Lowe, Fasion Model. Fuck off Daisy. You clearly haven’t eaten a square meal in years, let alone cooked one.
And my favourite:
“When British business man Chris Ruffle built a Scottish baronial castle next to his vineyard in China, an AGA was an obvious choice…”. There are no words. Apart from, WHATTHEACTUALFUCK?????
I’m already looking forward to the Christmas edition. Hopefully this wasn’t just a one off teaser.
**I don’t want to appear ungrateful for helpful guests but they were bloody useless at putting things away. I found an egg brush** in the knife compartment and an array of spatulas in the wooden spoon jug.
***didn’t even know I had one.